Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Marriage for Dummies

I got this hysterical magazine in the mail yesterday, and it made my day. Apparently, they send it to anyone who's created a wedding registry recently, and it's full of "helpful" tips on marriage. Let me tell you, I would never, ever get married (much less twice) if I had read this first!

It must be written for a younger audience, or at least I hope so. My personal favorite article was the "Are you in sync sexually?". The first question was "Do you feel like you're doing it often enough". Okay, fair question, I guess. Then I read the answers. First choice - "Nope, we used to do it a lot more before we got married." Second choice - "Yep, I'm just not in the mood very often. It's more of a special occasion thing now". WHAT?? Those are the only choices? Have the authors completely bought into the myth of sex dying out as soon as you get married? Or do the readers really feel this way? Other questions talk about variety in the bedroom, foreplay, and sex toys - and the responses are all along the same lines. There is clearly a female and male answer to each question, in which the wife isn't supposed to be interested in sex at all and the husband can't get enough and is dissatisfied with the amount he's getting. (Don't even get me started on the juvenile terms the author uses in the article.)

The entire magazine is incredibly divided into stereotypical gender roles. There's even a oh-so-helpful diagram explaining how "boys" and "girls" react differently in arguments.

David's favorite part was the cartoon on the last page, which explains that staying out until 3:00 am, not calling, and coming home drunk makes the womenfolk crazy. It points out that calling at midnight gets you out of the doghouse, while still letting you get drunk with the boys. Gee, thanks for the tip!

I can't decide whether to get angry or just roll my eyes at this entire publication. I think it's just kind of scary that people get married without talking through these things (and again, I speak from experience).

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